Do You Have Blair Waldorf Syndrome?

Don't worry, there's a cure. Thoughts on scarcity mindset and the Gossip Girl pilot.

If you’re familiar with the OG Gossip Girl TV series, then you know of the epic frenemyship between the show’s main characters, Blair Waldorf and Serena van der Woodsen. The show pit Blair’s buttoned-up, intellectual brunette against Serena’s bohemian, free-spirited blonde in a teenage reimagining of the Jackie or a Marilyn debate. They competed for everything — admission to elite colleges, modeling opportunities, European suitors — but, over the course of six seasons, they always came back to the conclusion that they really did love each other, no matter how many times Blair called Serena a dumb hoe. 

Best frenemies forever. Photo: Getty Images

One of Blair’s most enduring characteristics is her pathological jealousy of Serena, who she alternately adores and despises for being a breezy airhead (that’s Blair’s judginess popping out, not mine.) But upon a recent rewatch of the pilot, it seemed to me that Blair is jealous of Serena for no real reason in particular. They’re both Upper East Side princesses of similar pedigree dealing with comparable levels of family dysfunction (icy appearance-obsessed mothers, absentee-ish fathers). Yet Blair is constantly second fiddle to Serena — but why? I’d argue it’s only because she casts herself as such due to her own insecurities. This is one of the primary outcomes of ignoring early symptoms of Blair Waldorf Syndrome (BWS), a chronic condition where insecurity and a scarcity mindset create the perfect storm to make you a bitter ass bitch. Let me say here that I’m a Blair girlie – let she among us who never donned a pair of opaque red tights cast the first stone – but I believe it’s time for some honesty.

Let’s consider Blair’s reaction to learning that Serena’s back in New York after disappearing to boarding school the year prior. She anxiously yanks her longtime boyfriend Nate from the throng of a crowded party into a private room to, you know, do it. Purportedly, they’ll be losing their virginities to each other, but the audience and Blair will soon learn that Nate’s already parted that particular Red Sea with Serena (IYKYK), who was in the midst of a self-destructive party girl streak.

But here’s the thing: Blair doesn’t know about this tryst yet. She just feels that she needs to do something to keep Nate’s attention on her. Why? Because her insecurity immediately triggers her fear of being pushed to the side, now that the “real” It Girl – Serena – is back in town. It’s clear that she doesn’t even really believe in the power of the queen bee title that she lords over others through constant shows of strength. Just a whisper about Serena is enough to throw her off her game. This, too, is a symptom of untreated BWS: lots of dramatics to pretend to be outwardly confident, but with a fragile internal foundation that can shatter at the slightest perceived threat. It’s Blair’s scarcity mindset that prompts the “there can only be one” way of thinking that encourages her to see Serena as competition – and not as another queen that would help her maximize their joint slay. 

I wonder if she knew she was making history when she tweeted this. Photo: Twitter.

There’s a telling moment later in the episode where Blair essentially shows her hand, exposing her mindset. She and Serena have linked to reconcile, and Serena makes a comment that she’d never want to “take” the fact that Blair has made new friends in her absence away from her. Blair replies: “oh, because it’s just yours to take if you wanted?” This instance of projection reveals everything about Blair’s perspective of her relationship with Serena. Serena’s obviously just using a figure of speech, but Blair’s competitive, insecure mindset makes her interpret it in the least charitable way possible. Blair thinks that Serena can take everything from her, not Serena (in fact, Blair says as much in one notable instance just a few episodes later.) 

It turns out that competing with Blair is the last thing on Serena’s mind: she’s returned to check on her younger brother, who’s been hospitalized following a suicide attempt. Blair feels slighted that Serena’s come back without letting her know, which is fair. But in reality, she’s lashing out due to the most dangerous symptom of chronic BWS: a failure to trust your intuition. She knows something’s off in her relationship with Nate — and her friendship with Serena, who left town and reappeared without telling her — but is refusing to engage with it for the sake of maintaining of her “perfect” life. This is partially why once she learns of Serena and Nate’s sexual past, she’s quick to believe that simply pretending Serena doesn’t exist and forgiving Nate without any discussion will get things back to normal. (The other part of the reason is internalized misogyny — this is a girl who told her “best friend” that they don’t offer degrees in slut at Brown.) 

Photo: Screencaps from Home of the Nutty because Max doesn’t let you screenshot, which I learned while writing this post.

With this new knowledge, Blair’s vindicated for her preemptively bitchy behavior, especially when you factor in Serena’s full expectation that they would simply pick up their friendship where they left off, even though she’s privy to all the details. But why would Blair, savvy, calculating queen that she is, not trust her gut and press Nate, especially considering Serena’s sudden disappearance? She knew something was off, but talked herself out of it – because how can you have confidence in your gut feelings if you don’t have confidence in yourself? It’s easier to keep up appearances in a tolerably unpleasant situation than endure the messiness and upheaval of reckoning with the truth and actually getting your shit together. But in real life, the leakages of the fundamental unhappiness this creates — like Blair’s unprompted cruelty — lend themselves less to iconic drags and more to isolation.

Of course, this kind of reasoning is a lot to ask of a fictional sixteen-year-old girl. But even those of us with high school long behind us suffer the crippling effects of Blair Waldorf Syndrome. Insecurity and limited thinking keep us playing small and afraid, while being obsessed with keeping up appearances makes us victims of the fear of being seen trying, which – surprise, surprise – also keeps us playing small and afraid. After all, you won’t be comfortable being bad at something (a necessary precursor to becoming good) if you fear being seen as less-than perfect. Ignoring our intuition allows us to succumb to the discomfort of living a life that doesn’t suit us, rather than choosing the productive discomfort of creating a life that does. And while some of us may not project onto others with Blair’s hostility, we might express the same fears and thoughts of inferiority through a constant stream of self-deprecating jokes (👀).

For Blair, BWS keeps her in a fraught relationship with Serena that traps her in an underdog narrative that doesn’t necessarily ring true. Likewise, for many of us, it functions in the same way, holding us hostage to old stories that no longer serve us. So, do you have Blair Waldorf Syndrome?

Let’s review:

Does this resonate? If yes, you’re not alone — I write this after years of recovery from BWS — and this kind of mindset is encouraged by a hustle culture that makes us artificially compete for resources (guess it’s time for my weekly rant against late-stage capitalism!). Luckily, there’s a cure:

That’s all from me! And remember, there’s no need to lash out — there are more than enough pairs of knee-high riding boots to go around!

See you next week,

Lola xx