I’m still watching Love is Blind, and unfortunately that has to be everyone’s problem. Sorry! Last week, I wrote extensively on the trainwreck coupling of Chelsea and Jimmy, and how Chelsea’s insecurity, stemming from infidelity from past relationships, prompts her to self-sabotage her connection with another man in the pods. (That man, Trevor, has recently been revealed to have had a girlfriend throughout filming – so maybe everyone sucks here, actually. But bear with me.) In the latest batch of episodes, Chelsea’s on one yet again, going so far as to put me in a horrible predicament: I was forced to agree with a man.
Here’s how we got here:
Chelsea and Jimmy have moved in with each other before their wedding for the next stage of the experiment. One night, a drunk ass Chelsea is waiting for Jimmy, ready to jump him for…going out to a friend’s birthday drinks for a single hour (even she admits that he wasn’t out for long). She keeps repeating that someone who “does that'' is “not the kind of person [she] wants to be with,” which Jimmy insists is unreasonable and ridiculous. And he’s right, of course.
The argument that follows is meandering and frankly exhausting to watch. Once again, it soon becomes clear that the heart of the matter is Chelsea’s insecurity. What she’s actually upset about is that Jimmy’s slept with one of his female friends who she met earlier in the season – a fact that he revealed off-camera to protect the friend’s identity, so it’s particularly gross that Chelsea throws it into his face while arguing. I can’t totally blame her for being uncomfortable – but at the same time, she admits that one of her closest friends is an ex, so she doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on. She tosses out that Jimmy was hanging out with other girls from the pods, suggesting that he’s linked up with old flame Jessica, a move that Jimmy rightly clocks is her fishing for information. She’s trying to get him to confess because she assumes that there’s something to confess.
The self-sabotage is evident – she pokes and prods until Jimmy’s ready to call it and end the relationship – only to go and beg for another chance. But there’s something else at play here, something I felt became clear in the way Chelsea escalated the fight. Consciously or not, Chelsea’s working to confirm her old familiar story. In her mind, she’s the girl who gets cheated on and left, so she’s waiting for the inevitable to occur rather than embracing the possibilities of the unknown.
We all have stories that we tell ourselves, some that we’ve constructed after a lifetime of experiences; others we’ve just adopted from someone else's projections from when we were young and dumb and impressionable enough to incorporate them into our personalities. But these stories can be limiting, keeping us attached to a narrative that doesn’t serve us. When it comes to the stories we tell ourselves, like attracts like – we attract experiences that confirm our expectations, even if the story is no longer true, even if we want the opposite. I’m reminded of a Toni Morrison quote, from her Nobel lecture from 1993: “Make up a story. Narrative is radical, creating us at the very moment it is being created.” We tell ourselves what we are and we become it.
A while ago I went to a house party, which longtime Brain Rot readers will know is my preferred form of socializing. I was talking to the host, an old friend, and someone I met earlier that evening when I described myself as a “firmly behind the camera” kind of person. My friend interrupted me to mention my content, reminding me that I actually film myself constantly for work and there are hundreds of videos floating around the internet to prove it (terrifying!). We all laughed as I went “huh, yeah, I guess you’re right,” but the interaction has stayed with me since then, and seeing Chelsea’s behavior has helped me realize why. As I filmed an upcoming brand collab, props and all, I realized that I was parroting an old narrative about myself, even though it’s not true to who I am anymore.
I’ve written before on my commitment to being seen and how challenging and rewarding it's been, but now I’m ready to call things what they are. Despite the running internet jokes about “being perceived,” the fear is not about being seen – it’s about being judged. No one is afraid of putting themselves out there and receiving acclaim and adoration; they are afraid of being nitpicked and mocked and rejected. This fear is not unsubstantiated – I mean, a children’s librarian who literally just wants kids to enjoy reading was recently run off these internet streets because a shady rando accused him of having a “dark vibe.” But it also keeps us frozen, not just in our actions but in our minds. You become the person who “could never” without bothering to ask why, without ever considering what experiences and opportunities you’re closing yourself off from because you’re “not that kind of person.”
I think Chelsea’s afraid of being truly seen by a partner because of the fear of judgement, but it’s also what’s making it impossible for her to find the love she wants. By the same token (in a situation with much lower stakes, thank God), there’s still a part of me that doesn’t want to be burdened by the assumptions and preconceived notions that come attached to being seen as an “influencer.” But honestly, who cares? That matters a lot less than what I might be losing by refusing to update the story I tell myself. Content creation has changed my life, though for years I put off the desire to make it because of that same old story of being a “behind the camera” kind of person. What other potentially life changing endeavors am I holding myself back from because they’re “just not for me?” Which ones are you?
Spring is on the horizon, and with that comes sprouting greenery and the promises of new beginnings (and the first debaucherous Saturday of day drinking and doing it for the plot, which I personally can’t wait for.) It’s a good time to sit for a moment, take stock of where we are, and start telling ourselves a new story.
I’ll leave you all with this shameless plug for my coloring book one of my favorite positive affirmations:
That’s it from me this week! It’s over 60 degrees in New York today, so I’m gallivanting the streets and luxuriating in the sun.
Hoping your Sunday has the same energy,
Lola xx