Will You Keep Playing?
On life as a video game
Happy Sunday everyone! I hope you’re all enjoying your holiday breaks – if you even have one. Is it me, or are the holidays not holidaying like they used to? The Christmas magic simply doesn’t hit as much when I have to make it myself!
Before I get into things, I want to share with you all that I will be turning on paid subscriptions next week, on the 31st. I’ve been thinking about it and what it means for me to bet on myself and my work in this way, and I’ve been bolstered by the few of you who have already pledged to be paying subscribers. If that’s you, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, and if it’s not – THANK YOU, THANK YOU – it still blows my mind how many of you are reading and sharing at all.
The paid tier of Brain Rot will include at least two additional posts per month. One of which will be a pop culture deep dive/case study in the vein of Do You Have Blair Waldorf Syndrome?. The other will be an end-of-month Brain Rot Brain Dump, where all the more personal, lifestyle-y bits from earlier editions of this newsletter – critiques of what I’m reading/watching/listening to, lists of shit I want to buy but shan’t, and my ever-growing list of potentially controversial opinions – will be compiled and sent out on the last Wednesday of every month, to get you through hump day :). As we grow, I’d love for this to develop into reader chats and threads, and it will also definitely be a place for me to share some of my short fiction, which tends to be goofy, femme, and a little grotesque, if that’s your vibe.
If any of that sounds valuable to you, please consider supporting this phase of my freelance career. Subscriptions will be $5/month – Substack’s minimum – or $55 a year. If you’ve pledged, Substack will auto-subscribe you to paid, so if anything’s changed since then, please take note and adjust (I won’t mind; the holidays are expensive AF.)
Thank you for reading and being here. Building out this space has been one of the most rewarding parts of my year.
OK! Let’s get into the fun.
Will You Keep Playing?
This week I was going to write about Jake Paul, a fame hungry mediocre menace a Vine star turned Youtuber turned Disney Channel actor turned pro boxer. Before setting out to write this, Paul was my Roman Empire in a way – I was aware of him only when news of his myriad career changes – or controversies – garnered enough attention to pierce my media bubble, which decidedly does not include anyone who runs a “prank” channel. But upon doing my research for this essay, I came across news of his sexual assault allegations – including from a minor in his employ, who claims that Paul frequently referred to her as jailbait – so I will no longer be using Paul as a case study, and instead will make this statement: FUCK ABUSERS.
Let me instead get straight to the point I was going to make, using that loser as an example: there is something magnetic about people doing life unequivocally on their own terms, unbeholden to societal expectations or any kind of rules. For better or for worse, these people are fascinating. We’re all interested in them, I think, to some degree – this, too, plays a role in the cultural obsession with scammers I’ve written about before. There is, of course, a way to live this like this without violating others or breaking the law, so that is what I will be focusing on here.
Last week, I came across the work of floral designer Ryan Norville, a former New York-based web designer who transitioned into her current life as a floral entrepreneur living in Paris. In a video describing the unexpected pivot, she shares the meandering journey she took to where she is, working with clients like Google, West Elm and Ganni and considering going back to school for interior design as she charts the next phase of her journey. I was interested first because her work is gorgeous, dynamic, and textured, and then because of her story. Her’s is not a path anyone could have predicted – it’s certainly not any kind of established pathway – but it’s working out for her, in a way even Norville is surprised by. And that’s the thing: despite constant messaging about what life “should” be, when you live your life on your own terms, guided by your own intuition, things tend to meet you where you are – “should” be damned. Norville explored her passions, and life rose up to meet her (she did, also, have the support of a husband who encouraged her to do so, which can’t be discounted.)
In my own life, the confusion that dominated my early and mid-twenties has given way to a stunning clarity that’s only getting sharper because I do whatever the fuck I want. Which is not to say that every decision I make works out perfectly. But overall, I’m elated because I make decisions at all and I do so based on my own thoughts, feelings, and desires. Having the courage to act is always a million times more satisfying than waffling around in the agony of indecision. And on the flip, the frustration of a mistake you made based on someone else’s advice (or, as is often the case with our parents, pressure and expectations) is that much more devastating because you didn’t want to do that shit anyway. What I’ve realized is this: if I make a choice and it works out? Lit, I’m up. If it doesn’t? Cool, that’s more information at my disposal. Basically, even when I’m down, I’m up (what a blessing!). This is the mindset you have to adopt to truly live life on your own terms, which means accepting that failure doesn’t exist. There is only more information.
Recently, there’s been a growing discourse surrounding “playing life like a video game.” The proliferation of “level up” language in self-improvement and personal development spaces is proof of this. I’ll be real, when I first came across the idea I rolled my eyes – maybe because I’ve never played video games beyond picking the hot girl ninjas in Mortal Kombat and keysmashing whenever my brothers deigned to toss a controller my way. But I realize now that this is just another way to articulate what I now know: you can’t lose and nothing is out of reach; you simply have to restart until you gain the necessary skills to clear the level and move on. The blonde-haired menace is an extreme example (ahem, FUCK ABUSERS) – but I’m sure you can see why I was interested in using him to explore the idea. If anyone has figured out how to take a side quest (I like the second definition at this link) approach to life and make it work for them, it’s him.
But I think we all know people who are like this, on varying scales – people who’ve shaken off others’ expectations or concepts of normalcy and seem to be enjoying the hell out of this life thing as a result. My favorite example of this is the popular archetype of the single rich auntie: she’s got no kids, a wardrobe full of designer, and only makes an appearance at family gatherings when she happens to be in the country. There are whispers in the extended fam about her, for sure, but who cares! She’ll be in Bahia for New Year’s!
Anyway, the point is this: there is no right path or wrong path. There is only your path – and you’re creating it in real time. I can’t tell you how many “side quests” I’ve been on in the last few years that have suddenly become directly relevant to my life and work, and I’m certain this is because I’ve finally released myself from timelines and expectations to just live. This life is yours, nobody else’s – and I promise you’re doing just fine.
And just like that, we have the second to last Brain Rot of the year! Thank you all so much for being here. I finally started this newsletter on a whim after kicking around the idea for over a year and it’s been amazing to see how the community has grown and to read your DMs and comments on social media. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I know this time of year can be challenging for many for so many reasons, and I’m thinking of everyone struggling right now. This will get better – and how lovely will it be to reflect on how things have changed once we get there.
I’ll be back next week with some kind of end of year reflection (though, if you recall, I’m about a month in 2024, personally), but I’m still working out the details.
Happy holidays from me and mine to you and yours.
See you on NYE,
Lola xx